10 ways to identify idealization-discard relationship cycle of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)-1. This defense mechanism may take aim at another person, an actual experience or one's own self. Definition: Splitting - The practice of regarding people and situations as either completely "good" or completely "bad". BPD Idealization- Discard and Push-Pull Cycle-A borderline can idealize you and make you feel like a god and then in a matter of few minutes declare you the reincarnation of Satan. What drives idealization and devaluation by women in romantic relationships at a very basic level is relationship insecurity. It makes sense that the two are often confused because they both happen at the beginning of a new relationship. Idealization. We also tend to idealize those things that we have chosen or acquired. But that still leaves one way in which this phenomenon can serve as an effective ally: Idealization and reconstructing memories can enhance a healthy relationship or even kindle a new flame. It is very different from bipolar disorder. With this in mind, the next time you reflect on whether that special someone indeed was “the one,” ask yourself if it’s genuinely about your love for them or instead about your desire to even the playing field, to restore your pride, and to win the back-and-forth relationship game. The idealization phase in a psychopathic relationship will be unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. The term idealization first appeared in connection with Freud's definition of narcissism.Freud's vision was that all human infants pass through a phase of primary narcissism in which they assume they are the centre of their universe. This is how they hook you! But then the researchers looked at unrealistic idealization in the relationship. Although a high level of relationship idealization can be the kiss of death for long-distance couples once brought together, a certain level of idealization in any relationship is considered necessary for growth and satisfaction (Murray & Holmes, 1997). To obtain the parents' love the child comes to do what he thinks the parents value. No Middle Ground. This phase always occurs right at the beginning of any relationship with a narcissist, and is where they will make you feel truly special. You will be swept off of your feet, lost in a passionate fantasy with someone who excites you on every level: emotionally, spiritually, and sexually. The first stage in a narcissistic relationship is “idealization” and is perhaps the most dangerous of them all. 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